Wing Tang Wong

It Starts With Opening One's Mouth...

Let's face it. We're creatures of habit. No matter how well we think we are pro-active and establishing strong lines of communications... we can always do better. Usually, much better. Whether in the workplace, at home, or just when you're out and about, communicating is a key part of life. And it seems that the majority of people take a pretty laid back approach to it.

Learning to talk as a child is hard. But it was only one of a few things that truly occupied your attention. Learning to talk as a teen is hard. But that is because of the social and cultural pressures that are present. Learning to talk as an adult is hard. This is due to the fact that we are busy with so many other things.

So, when do we really learn to talk? To communicate?

"Active Listening"

Communicating is comprised of a two sided coin. On one side, we have listening. On the other side, we have speaking.

It seems counter-intuitive, but sometimes, in order to be a better listener, you have to be a better communicator. You have to talk in a way which gives the speaker feedback, aural cues, and just plain letting them know that they are actually being heard!

Basically, some people talk and talk, because they haven't been told that they have accomplished the objective that prompts them to talk! It's like when someone says, "Let me know when", and begin filling your glass with milk. If you don't say when, you will end up with a very very wet table.

The modern example of this is the gas pump. You don't have to say when. It just stops. So, like the act of pumping gas, we have transitioned from that of an active listener to that of a passive listener. Waiting for that distinctive "POP" sound, that let's us know that we can stop.

People are not cars. The pop sound might be the sound of someone grunting as they walk off, precious minutes of their day stolen from them from repetitive nothing-speak. If you've been parroting or repeating the same idea over and over again, then anything after the 2nd repetition drastically loses value, regardless of how many times it is repeated.

"Engaging Speech"

So, when we do talk, it seems that we talk to fill up gaps. We talk like a boom box, blasting away, not caring about what others might be saying. We are having our say and nothing can stop us. That, likewise, isn't communicating. It is a form of mental vomit, burp, or some other form of expulsion.

It is hard to communicate, when people are merely yammering at each other. Imagine talking to each other through a blowhorn/megaphone. One person cranks it up, the other person cranks it up, and soon, there is just noise.

In order to speak, so that others can hear, the listener must be engaged. This is the job of the speaker. If your message is being delivered badly or your message is worded badly, it won't matter if the information is the next best thing... no one is listening. Yelling or screaming about it won't get the point across any better.

So, like Active Listening, where the listener gives feedback, cues, and responses to the speaker, Engaging Speech involves the drawing in of the audience, so that their attention and energy is directed at the speaker. This is accomplished through interactive speaking. The posing of rhetorical or not so rhetorical questions.

The aim being to motivate, engage, and inform as part of one process.

References and Resources

Some links from afar, which may be of some help!

• Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead (J-B CCL (Center for Creative Leadership))
• Are You Really Listening?: Keys to Successful Communication
• Listening: The Forgotten Skill: A Self-Teaching Guide (Wiley Self-Teaching Guides)
• The Sacred Art of Listening: Forty Reflections for Cultivating a Spiritual Practice
• Active Listening 1 Class Audio CDs (Active Listening Second edition)
• Active Listening 3 Student's Book with Self-study Audio CD (Active Listening Second edition)
• Active Listening 1 Student's Book with Self-study Audio CD (Active Listening Second edition)
• Active Literacy Across the Curriculum: Strategies for Reading, Writing, Speaking And Listening
• Active Listening: Introducing Skills for Understanding (Student's Book 1)
• Active Listening 2 Student's Book with Self-study Audio CD (Active Listening Second edition)
• Wisdom of Listening